Monday, November 2, 2009

To love a child

I remember being told, many moons ago, by a mother that I could never understand what it is to truly love a child until I've had one of my own.

I can't tell you how much this has chewed away at me over the years ...

How can anyone make that assumption? How can anyone assume to know the capacity of someone else's heart? Are they saying that adopted parents have an inferior love for their children? Or that adopted children have never felt the full force of true maternal love??

I am six weeks away from the birth of my first (and very much longed for) child, and I still disagree with the statement. I can imagine it's a different kind of love, but certainly not an inferior kind.

Ask me again when I'm holding the precious little peanut in my arms ... but I really don't think I'll feel any differently.


  1. That is a tough subject. I believe it's a different kind of love, but it's a love so strong it hurts so good. Having my own children has been thee most emotional moment of my entire life. I could never feel what adoptive parents feel for their children. I could never say it is or not the same kind of love or different but as strong. If I had to truly compare the two loves, I think it could be stronger than another. I do however feel that not anyone could be an adoptive parent, It takes an extremely amazing person to love a child that much that isn't biologically theirs.

  2. It's a very tricky subject, I agree. And I'm probably not in the best position to judge until I am a mother myself. I do know what it feels like to long for a child of my own, which is probably why I reacted so strongly to the statement. On the other side of the coin, I wonder how many women have really truly felt that cry-yourself-to-sleep pain that comes with the fear of never having a baby? In those dark moments you truly believe that no mother could ever love a child more than you could at that moment in time. Nature - it's a very powerful thing indeed!