My appointment with the counsellor, Zarah, on Monday was great. She spent two hours (5 til 7) getting to the bottom of why I was feeling so emotional.
After discounting the whole fear of labour ... fear of the unknown ... fear of being responsible for another human being nonsense (none of which I feel), we eventually deduced that I have a fear of dependency.
After twenty years of being a self-sufficient, independent career woman, earning my own wage, I am quite terrified of being financially dependent on Robin (or any man for that matter).
I didn't realise how much of a subconscious worry it was until the session.
Zarah tried to get me to look at it from Robin's perspective in that he had an idyllic childhood with a full time stay-at-home mom. By wanting to replicate that for his own child (which he does), he is acknowledging the importance of the mother's role. I shouldn't, therefore, feel like I'm not worthy of spending his money.
It's a simple enough concept to grasp ... but I'll have to work at it for a while. I will miss having my own money to spend on luxuries, but I assume that once the baby arrives, my perspective and focus will change anyway.
All in all, I feel the session was helpful and I don't feel quite so helpless about the money side of things.
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